Amy Collette

Audacity is my new favorite word. It implies a sassines – an outrageous willingness to try. It even hints of a daredevil attitude.

I recently attempted a physical feat I wasn’t sure I could handle. My friends and my husband have done it for years, but I had lots of excuses why I couldn’t. My fitness isn’t good enough, I don’t have the right bike, etc. what I really had was plenty of fear that I just wasn’t capable. There’s also some ego fear thrown in there – what would everybody think if I “wimped out?”

But I tried it- a 150-mile bike ride over two days. At the end of the first day, I had a crisis. The anxiety took over and convinced me that I couldn’t finish. I actually felt fine physically – I was just tired and couldn’t imagine doing it all over the next day.

A wise voice (my husband’s) finally said, “it’ll look different in the morning – get some sleep and decide then.” Fortunately, that advice got me through the night and the next day, I got on my bike again with fresh hope.

Finishing that ride taught me a lot. Mostly that if I had the audacity to try it, I just might make it. Here we are at the finish line:

Audacity is the instant answer to whatever you fear. I invite you to try something that stretches your idea of yourself. What if you try it? What if you fail? What if – gasp – you succeed? Either way, you’ll learn something.

Please share your story of audacity in the comments.

I recently read one of those lists of wise words. This one was from a woman who was nearing one hundred years old, and it was her advice about how to live a satisfying life. One line that has really stayed with me is, “What other people think about you is none of your business.”

I read that line when I needed to see it, but at first it was a little jarring. Then I thought about it again and it made sense. Of course – I have no control over what other people think! I was struggling with being accepted. That wise advice helped me to let that go. It feels like freedom.

I have an acquaintance that I cannot avoid – I must learn to get along with her. But – I really don’t want to. I feel intimidated by her fame, her beauty, and her judgment.

On a hike yesterday, I was thinking about this. “Why do I feel so “not enough” around her?” The answer came: “I’m afraid she’ll say nasty things about me.” Then it hit me – of course she’ll say nasty things about me! I practically did a back flip with joy. It made me realize that no matter what I do, or say, or look like, I have absolutely no effect on what she thinks or feels or says. Those are hers to control, not mine. Yay! That is real freedom.

And – it applies to all my relationships. It means that others can judge me or not judge me, as they choose.

But now comes the hard part. What’s my responsibility? I draw people into my life to teach me things. So I have to take a look into this particular mirror to see what it says.

Why would I worry so much about someone else’s judgment if I were not doing the same thing? I’ve been judging her as a “mean girl,” someone who is out to get me, make me feel bad. But if I look at it through the grace of a wise woman, I can see the hurt that she is carrying around, and the walls she’s built to protect herself. Those walls sometimes translate to judgment – making someone else smaller.

Hmm… sound familiar?

How do you feel around people you think are really fantastic in some way? They’re super smart, beautiful, successful, wealthy, maybe even famous. How do you find yourself acting around them?

I used to be a little star-struck and intimidated about being around such star wattage. These people come across as confident and comfortable. So why didn’t I?

I was too busy comparing myself, and finding myself “less than.” I could never “compete” with these superstars, so I went small. Going small for me means fading into the background, not saying much, becoming a wallflower at the edge of the action.

Of course that behavior just reinforces the idea that I’m not cool enough to hang around the big-wigs. “They don’t even pay any attention to me! I might as well not be here.”

A couple of years ago I developed a working relationship and friendship with someone I thought was incredibly wise and beautiful. What I couldn’t figure out is why she was hanging out with me! If my energy about being “not enough” for her had stayed the same, our friendship would have died. Why? Because I wasn’t bringing enough of myself to the relationship to make it a healthy one.

I was sabotaging the friendship through my lack of self worth. She picked up on this energy and told me that I was a huge help to her, that I saw things in ways that she couldn’t. It was an equal partnership if I would let it be one. When I really looked at it, I knew it was true. I could let the fears of “not enough” go and relax into what has become a wonderful friendship.

I find it’s usually easy to make your expectations come true. And now I can see how I did it, and probably how you do it, too. I can feel when I’m about to “go small.” I usually decide to “go big” instead – show up as who I really am, not what I’m afraid might not be good enough.

How can you “go big” rather than retreating into not enough?