Amy Collette

When someone thanks you for something, you reply…. (Please choose the best answer)
A. It was nothing
B. Just doin’ my job
C. Aww, shucks, anybody would have done the same thing
D. Forget about it!
E. Don’t mention it
F. You’re welcome

Okay, the obvious answer is “you’re welcome.” But how many times do we answer with one of the others?
“Thank you” is a gift. Not accepting it is like throwing that gift back in the giver’s face or stomping it under your heel. Maybe you really feel that you did nothing, and you don’t deserve a thank you. But the person who is giving you thanks feels differently and wants to connect with you through gratitude. Accepting it graciously invites more grace into your life.

“So if you love somebody better tell them so
‘Cause you never ever, ever know when they gonna go
If they love you back, just give thanks
Can’t keep love like money in the bank”

~Michael Franti and Spearhead “Life in the City”

Songwriters: Jason Patrick Bowman, Michael Franti, Carl Rogers Young

I believe that everyone is the keeper of a dream – and by tuning in to one another’s secret hopes, we can become better friends, better partners, better parents, and better lovers.

~Oprah Winfrey

My heart is bursting with the unconditional love I get from my kid friends. With no kids of my own, I am blessed with friends who share the joy of their kids with me. Last night I got to watch Lily (9) and Lana (3) dance at their recital.  What I got from that performance surprised me, leading to my list of reasons to hang out with kids:

• It brings back happy memories of yourself as a kid
  As they danced, I was shocked to feel in my body just the way I used to move in the same way, with the same joy. Dance was my special place to be myself.  To be graceful and strong and creative. To feel that shy pride of shining onstage.

• Unrestrained love
  They make no secret of how much they love me. That simple fact is humbling. As adults, we learn restraint.  You learn that you “might embarrass her” if you’re enthusiastic about your feelings. You worry that his feelings aren’t the same for you, so you dial it down. But the kids have no such filter. They hugged and kissed me, and wanted me to stay. In an unprecedented move, they even followed me out the front door! I was overcome and cried with gratitude most of the way home.

• Simple acceptance
  How could I receive that much goodness at once? Being around these kids in their loving home shows me that the girls simply expect to be loved. It makes me wonder where I lost that expectation, that feeling that it was natural and I didn’t need to “deserve” it. It doesn’t matter when or how that was lost, but how I got it back.
• Unexpected gifts
  I usually plan out my time with the kids. I’ll have a craft or baking project or a movie to watch. And they usually have other ideas. They want to draw and color (and give the artwork to me), or make up a game where I’m a dragon or something. One night, I brought a small craft project, which they lost interest in after about 5 minutes. Then I pulled out a package of glow light sticks from the dollar store – and they went crazy! Screaming with delight, Lily ran around the house and turned out all the lights. We fastened the sticks together to form bracelets, neckaces and magic wands.  They danced around, made up songs and I joined right in. It was the most simple fun I had had in years.

The most amazing power and energy we can unleash on the universe is love. Unconditional love is a one-way street that runs from your soul toward another. It has everything to do with what is in your heart.

True unconditional love gives you  freedom from:

• Control – Just giving  without concern about how it’s received or returned
• Expectation – Love is a gift
• Fear – That there’s not enough

You know how, when you say “I love you” for the first time, you’re scared to death that your lover will not say it back to you or feel the same way. We’re so conditioned to be careful about when and how we say those words. That caution really means that we want control over our lovers’ feelings and we want to hear those words, too. But think about it – even if your loved one doesn’t say it back or doesn’t feel that way, your feelings are the same. So – be brave, be bold. Go ahead and say it. One way to relieve the pressure is to preface those beautiful words with something like, “I want to tell you what’s in my heart. There’s no need to say or do anything but just relax and receive this right now. “  Then, take a deep breath, feel it, and say it. What a gift.

In my family, it usually took a near-fatal accident or major surgery to break out the words “I love you.” I grew up thinking that you would wear it out or it would become meaningless if you just threw around “I love yous” all the time. Fortunately, my husband sees this differently. When we were first together, I thought it was just the blush of new love, or that he was just trying to keep me around (control me). But after a couple of decades, he still says it several times a day, and I’ve learned that it makes me feel great to tell him I love him, too. Knowing that love just continues to grow has shown me that there’s more than enough. When you say it, it reminds you of that feeling every day, and nurtures it just like sunshine on a plant.

And best of all, it starts with you.  To be able to give love unconditionally, you have to fill yourself up with it first. That means accepting the love of Spirit, being filled and complete in your place in the universe. When you are filled to overflowing, love energy flows naturally from you.

Emulate your superhero

Think of a person you know who really has it together – they’re successful, fun to be around, and seem confident in who they are. That kind of person claims their power, and shows up big. That’s what makes them magnetic – the kind of person people feel drawn to.

I think of my friend Linda – she always seems calm and centered. When I’m with her I immediately slow down – I know that she takes time to consider what she says, so I do, too. I also feel a great love from her – she loves herself and emanates that to everyone around her.  She’s a role model for me.

A coach once told me that the things that I’m attracted to in other people are qualities that I have myself. That idea stunned me at first, but of course it’s true. I’m drawn to that quality in Linda that makes me feel like I’m the only other person in the room when I’m with her. That she’s giving me her undivided attention and couldn’t be happier to do so.

Is that a superpower? I think so. For me to claim that power in myself means that I have to focus. Turn off the spinning that goes around in my head all the time and be present right now. It’s about being in that quiet, safe place I go in meditation. Nothing else enters my world except that connection with the person I’m with.

You know you have them – let ‘em shine!

I’m just talking about energy – the energy we tend to give away to others by shrinking into  feeling “not enough” – smart enough, rich enough, good-looking enough, loving enough.

When you do that, you’re showing up as a different person than you really are. You are unique in the world – no one has your sense of humor, your crooked nose, your too-straight or too-curly hair. What are you missing out on by not being who you are? And what is the world missing from you?

Do something that scares you

I was recently invited to an exclusive luncheon – and I almost didn’t go. I had to really fight the feeling that I didn’t belong there – everyone there would know I wasn’t “one of them” and I’d be snubbed. I knew that mental junk was just my ego trying to protect me, but the noise it created in my head was pretty loud.  I decided to work through it and go to the luncheon anyway. I wore something I felt good in, gave myself a pep talk, and walked in the room like I did this every day.

Of course I had a great time. And I got a special treat – a woman I had worked with years before was there. I immediately went up to her and re-introduced myself – and she surprised me by being just as thrilled to see me as I was to see her.  If I had decided to let myself be defeated by the chatter in my head, I would not have had that wonderful experience.

Thanksgiving gives us a whole day to focus just on gratitude. For me, gratitude is where it all starts – balance, peace, freedom, joy, and most of all, love.

I invite you to start this Thanksgiving to thank the people in your life for their love and companionship. To give thanks for the food you eat and the place you live. For beauty in all its forms. For the pets that love you. For the good times and the tough times and the lessons you’ve learned. With gratitude, hug those you love, starting with yourself.

Then… see if you can make a habit of it.

The Staple Singers had some wise advice in their songs that’s still very relevant today. Back in 1973, their song “Be What You Are” cautions against living beyond your means – just be what you are.

I’m not trying to tell you how to do it ·
I’m only saying put some thought into it ·
Be what you are, my friend ·
And live the life

The Staple Singers

As long as I’m singin’
Then the world’s all right
And everything’s swingin!
Long as I’m singin’ my song.

Lyrics by Bobby Darin

May you see a way to sing your song every day.