Amy Collette

I was just listening to an old song from the ’70′s and a line that hit me was “I sense … something divine in you.”
It’s just a pick-up line in the song, but it made me smile and think that if I could see the divine in everyone, life would be a lot more fun.

A life coach told me that to change a habit, you have to replace it with something. That makes sense to me – it’s hard to just tell yourself to stop doing something. It’s easier to shift that energy into something else.

And, like everything, it has to start with me. Like when I make a mistake, instead of spending 10 minutes calling myself an idiot, I can see the humor in it, laugh, and forgive myself for the goof-up. Then maybe I can do the same with the people I love…

I have an acquaintance that I cannot avoid – I must learn to get along with her. But – I really don’t want to. I feel intimidated by her fame, her beauty, and her judgment.

On a hike yesterday, I was thinking about this. “Why do I feel so “not enough” around her?” The answer came: “I’m afraid she’ll say nasty things about me.” Then it hit me – of course she’ll say nasty things about me! I practically did a back flip with joy. It made me realize that no matter what I do, or say, or look like, I have absolutely no effect on what she thinks or feels or says. Those are hers to control, not mine. Yay! That is real freedom.

And – it applies to all my relationships. It means that others can judge me or not judge me, as they choose.

But now comes the hard part. What’s my responsibility? I draw people into my life to teach me things. So I have to take a look into this particular mirror to see what it says.

Why would I worry so much about someone else’s judgment if I were not doing the same thing? I’ve been judging her as a “mean girl,” someone who is out to get me, make me feel bad. But if I look at it through the grace of a wise woman, I can see the hurt that she is carrying around, and the walls she’s built to protect herself. Those walls sometimes translate to judgment – making someone else smaller.

Hmm… sound familiar?