Amy Collette

I recently read one of those lists of wise words. This one was from a woman who was nearing one hundred years old, and it was her advice about how to live a satisfying life. One line that has really stayed with me is, “What other people think about you is none of your business.”

I read that line when I needed to see it, but at first it was a little jarring. Then I thought about it again and it made sense. Of course – I have no control over what other people think! I was struggling with being accepted. That wise advice helped me to let that go. It feels like freedom.

I have an acquaintance that I cannot avoid – I must learn to get along with her. But – I really don’t want to. I feel intimidated by her fame, her beauty, and her judgment.

On a hike yesterday, I was thinking about this. “Why do I feel so “not enough” around her?” The answer came: “I’m afraid she’ll say nasty things about me.” Then it hit me – of course she’ll say nasty things about me! I practically did a back flip with joy. It made me realize that no matter what I do, or say, or look like, I have absolutely no effect on what she thinks or feels or says. Those are hers to control, not mine. Yay! That is real freedom.

And – it applies to all my relationships. It means that others can judge me or not judge me, as they choose.

But now comes the hard part. What’s my responsibility? I draw people into my life to teach me things. So I have to take a look into this particular mirror to see what it says.

Why would I worry so much about someone else’s judgment if I were not doing the same thing? I’ve been judging her as a “mean girl,” someone who is out to get me, make me feel bad. But if I look at it through the grace of a wise woman, I can see the hurt that she is carrying around, and the walls she’s built to protect herself. Those walls sometimes translate to judgment – making someone else smaller.

Hmm… sound familiar?