Amy Collette

Every time I saw my father-in-law Tom, his parting words were “think good thoughts,” said with a big smile.

He embodied that phrase – always upbeat, loving and generous. His eyes sparkled with Irish spirit, and lit up when he saw you. Tom regularly broke into song, remembering all the words to songs from the 40′s and 50′s. He loved to laugh and make other people laugh, and had the gift of gab.

Someone once compared his energy to a leprechaun – a fitting description of the fun-loving Irishman.

I’m grateful that I knew him. He passed away in September, and is sorely missed. His lasting legacy is his favorite phrase: think good thoughts.

Do you dread the family get togethers? Wish you hadn’t planned that outing with your mom or lunch with your sister?

Me, too. I want to relax and have a good time, but then the old tapes start playing in my head…

Usually I get my guard up a few days beforehand. I start to rehearse scenarios in my head about what I will tolerate and what will make me walk out. By the time time we’re supposed to meet, my stomach’s in a twist and my palms are sweating – I’m in “fight or flight” mode. Not exactly a good way to start a good visit.

Before my mom’s birthday this year, I felt my chest getting tight with anxiety. I wanted to see her, but I was remembering past birthdays that ended with accusations, public scenes, and me walking out not long after I got there. Why would this time be any different?

As I felt my blood pressure rise, somehow I was reminded to stop and breathe. And – I was given a sense of healing.

So, I decided to expect healing this time. I didn’t know how it was going to happen, I just knew to look for it.

That choice helped me change my focus from myself to the birthday girl, where it belonged.

I went shopping and put together my favorite kind of gift – a basket full of chocolate, soap, lotion, that kind of stuff. I had fun and got to shift my energy to celebrating another year with my mom.

We met for lunch the next day and had a great time. It felt so different to arrive with a feeling of lightness rather than feeling like a warrior prepared for battle. Taking the armor off wasn’t that hard. I’m writing about it to remind myself that I can manifest happiness and peace in my life.

Healing practices to try

Before you try any kind of healing practice, take a moment to fill up your own tank first.

In your relationships:

• Focus on the love you have for that person rather than on protecting yourself.
• Imagine what your relationship would feel like if it were healed.
• Find compassion for what otherwise bugs you. How can you love that aspect rather than having it drive you crazy?

Expect the best at work with:

• Difficult coworkers – You know, the ones you’d rather run away from? Give a compliment to that person you struggle with. Make it genuine, but really try to find something positive about that person to comment on. (Even if it hurts!)
• Meetings – is there a way you can bring a little humor to a boring or contentious meeting? Try greeting everyone in the meeting and “checking in” first with how their day is going.
• Projects – It’s easy to get stuck doing the same things the same way. Try brainstorming – write down even silly ideas just to get it all out of your head and onto a paper or white board. Then use mind mapping to see relationships where you didn’t before.

I knew this film might be hard to watch, and it was. But I loved it and highly recommend it. Jeff Bridges unflinchingly portrays the brutal reality of life as an alcoholic. The ugly truth is that an addict constantly makes a choice – between the people he loves and his addiction.

It looked to me like Jeff Bridges’ character, Bad Blake, had hit bottom at one point in the film after an accident left his body broken. But hurting himself wasn’t enough. It took hurting someone he loved to let him see how low he was, that he needed help.

The story is really about redemption – for me it validates that undying spark of light within  us that wants to shine, even when we don’t want to let it. I’ve seen this transformation in my father – like Bad Blake in the movie, he was a musician, and a heavy smoker and drinker. That life seemed glamorous for awhile, until he realized that he had to have a bottle  just to make it through the day. He hit bottom when I was a teenager,  when he finally went to rehab.  He told me, “Ames, I’m never gonna drink again.” I didn’t believe him.

But he showed me the strength he found inside, and has lived up to his word. I’m  grateful that he made that decision to live and become a different man – he’s been clean and sober now for decades. His choices left a lot of damage in his wake. Bad Blake sums it up in the song “Somebody Else” on the Crazy Heart soundtrack:

“I used to be somebody, now I am somebody else, who I’ll be tomorrow, is anybody’s guess… Now that I’m a brand-new man, you belong to someone else.”

Redemption was a choice for Bad Blake and for my dad – one that takes tremendous strength. I consider my father’s redemption one of the miracles in my life. Thanks, Dad, for choosing the people you love.