Amy Collette

In a long meeting today, I realized I was fiddling with the hem of my blouse.  I was a little embarrassed – I felt like I was caught doodling or daydreaming. Then I noticed almost everyone else in the room was twitchy in their own way – bopping a leg up and down, twirling a pen, or running a hand through their hair.

We all seem to do it – little nervous habits. But we don’t usually call that behavior anxiety. It’s just twitchiness, right?

Well… it really is a low-level anxiety. The fidgeting and twitching are ways to move anxiety through your body. The reasons for your anxiety could be anything – worrying about what you’re going to say, about making a decision, about how you look, or what’s going on in the head of your client across the room.

In my case, my fidgeting and then worrying about my fidgeting made me lose focus on what was happening in the meeting. Then I was wondering who noticed… I needed to get my head back in the game.

I’ve gathered a bunch of techniques to help me focus again.

• First – sit up instead of slumping in the chair.
• Then, start some deep, regular breathing (discreetly – not huge gulps of air and loud exhales).
• Relax – your mind can’t concentrate on the present if your body is tense and twitchy.
• Focus on the speaker – really put your energy into listening to what is happening, without making judgments about if it’s right or wrong.
• Finally, think about whether you need to reply, react, or just keep listening. When you’re twitchy, you want to react. You may think you always need to agree or disagree, or to say something just to get noticed. When you’re relaxed and focused, your mind is free to make other decisions – like continuing to listen, asking a relevant question, or asking another person for their input.

Keep in mind – this takes practice! In my next meeting, I’m going to start the slow breathing before I go into the room…

You know how a bad date does nothing but talk about himself? It’s a turnoff, right? But what he’s trying to do is “sell” you on how great he is, so you’ll go out with him again. So you don’t want to be like that and bore other people with your own greatness, right? In our culture it’s much more accepted to be self-deprecating than to brag.

And then… you need a job. The interview is one place where you really need to sell yourself – and it can feel uncomfortable because you’re not used to it.

After college I worked as a temp while I tried to get a “real” job. It was a tough market, but I was still surprised that I couldn’t land a job. Couldn’t people see how great I was?

My mentor, Deborah, gave me some great advice. She had set me up for an interview with a business woman known for her bluntness. Deborah told me to come on very strong. Be bold. Get creative with my answers and just go all out. I did and I got the job. In retrospect I could see that I had been much too timid and held back during interviews.

Like a good date, you can let your personality tell your story. It unfolds naturally in conversation when you are being yourself. A job interview is like dating, but compressed into only one or two encounters. The company is checking you out not just for experience and skills, but for how you’ll fit into corporate culture and how you work with people. You’re also checking out the company and their values to see if you want to make a commitment. Be bold enough to be honest about what you can offer and what you want from this relationship.

When you find the courage to really let your light shine, other people can actually see it!