Amy Collette

After my friend Mary died, I was surprised by the waves that would hit me. They would come at weird times, like in the shower or while I was driving. I didn’t even know I had so many memories of her, until I would smell her favorite food, drive past our old happy-hour bar, or see a bee on a flower. My connection with her was strong in life, and has become even stronger since she passed. She taught me so much in life, and is still there to point things out or show me the gift in an experience.

Grief can be a brutal teacher. But it can help show you the strength within that has been waiting until now to show up.

• Feel what you’re feeling. Grief is uncomfortable to watch, but it’s intense to survive. Whatever you feel is your “normal.” Allow yourself to define what is ok for you to be doing, thinking, or feeling.
• Go easy on yourself – there’s no “right” way to handle it. Your experience is unique and you cope with it your own way.
• Give yourself time. Your grief is a process – allow it to unfold however it appears.
• Let yourself smile. Sometimes when you’re missing the one you’ve lost, a happy memory shows up. Bees on a flower remind me that Mary is an angel in my  life.
• Let people in. Trust your friends when they say they want to help. You may want to be a hermit at times, but tell your friends what you need: help with meals, making phone calls, cleaning, etc. And it’s ok to let them know when you need to be alone.
• Accept the spiritual support that is all around you. Your angels are always there for you, supporting you and lifting you up, whether you’re aware of it or not. Meditation, prayer, quiet time, flower essences, chakra clearing, a walk outside, and time with a pet are all ways to access that support.
• Reach out for professional help when you need it. If you’re worried you might be stuck in a place so deep that you can’t see a pathway, seek some help to talk it out.

That’s the phrase I saw on the car ahead of me last night. I chuckled as I read it, thinking about all the crazy drivers I share the road with every day.

Today I realized that I am one of those crazy drivers. I was driving down a steep and twisty mountain road this morning – and I lost control on the loose dirt on a sharp curve. I did everything wrong – turning too hard to compensate, then getting whipped around the other direction. At one point I saw the steep dropoff I was heading for, and hoped that the aspen trees would stop my fall – but not too hard. I guess during all of this I was tapping the brake, so eventually I came to a stop.

I’m writing this tonight from my home rather than a hospital bed because I got really, really lucky. I never left the road and no other drivers or cyclists were there. I feel that I was held and watched over as this frightening thing was happening. I realize that it was just not my day to be injured or killed – but to learn an important lesson early in my life in the mountains: don’t drive faster than my angels can fly…