Amy Collette

We can never obtain peace in the outer world until we make peace with ourselves. ~ Dalai Lama

By anticipation, I really mean worry. I was up all night with my heart pounding, rehearsing a difficult conversation. The hard part about that is – I could only have one side of the discussion!

I tried to anticipate (there’s that word again) what the other person would say. Of course none of my worries came true.

Heart pounding still, I confronted a colleague. He was completely unemotional, and listened respectfully to what I said. He even thanked me for the input, as he was unaware of the issues.

So why was I so worried? I realized in the middle of my sleepless night that it had nothing to do with him or our relationship. It has to do with confronting my fear of conflict.

Conflict is not just scary for me- it’s terrifying. I know from childhood experience that bad things can and do happen  – ranging from screaming to hitting to throwing things. Has this ever happened to me outside my family? No. But that fear of danger is so deep, it has kept me quiet- cowering in the corner when any argument breaks out.

So – it’s only natural that situations will continue to arise in my life that force me to face this fear. As I realized this in the dark last night, I felt the gratitude that comes with letting something go.

So does this mean that I’m no longer a conflict coward? Probably not – so I’m on the lookout for the next opportunity to confront it bravely. In the meantime, I need a nap… Zzzz

Audacity is my new favorite word. It implies a sassines – an outrageous willingness to try. It even hints of a daredevil attitude.

I recently attempted a physical feat I wasn’t sure I could handle. My friends and my husband have done it for years, but I had lots of excuses why I couldn’t. My fitness isn’t good enough, I don’t have the right bike, etc. what I really had was plenty of fear that I just wasn’t capable. There’s also some ego fear thrown in there – what would everybody think if I “wimped out?”

But I tried it- a 150-mile bike ride over two days. At the end of the first day, I had a crisis. The anxiety took over and convinced me that I couldn’t finish. I actually felt fine physically – I was just tired and couldn’t imagine doing it all over the next day.

A wise voice (my husband’s) finally said, “it’ll look different in the morning – get some sleep and decide then.” Fortunately, that advice got me through the night and the next day, I got on my bike again with fresh hope.

Finishing that ride taught me a lot. Mostly that if I had the audacity to try it, I just might make it. Here we are at the finish line:

Audacity is the instant answer to whatever you fear. I invite you to try something that stretches your idea of yourself. What if you try it? What if you fail? What if – gasp – you succeed? Either way, you’ll learn something.

Please share your story of audacity in the comments.

I’ll be “sitting in” for Kelly on her radio show with Jeff “Classic” Popka. We’ll be talking about intuition and the many ways you can access it. Jeff will also play some music, and I’ll do a short meditation about your own “crystal ball.”

You can join us for the live show at 9:00 Mountain time, 10:00 Central at:

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/indieonair/2011/05/18/the-indie-spirit-w-kelly-ballard

Or you can listen to the recording later. See you there!

I like to talk about “getting out of my mind” enough to hear the whispers of intuition, the voice of Spirit. Some kind of practice like meditation or a walk in the woods usually does it for me.

But I never thought of mind and spirit being connected to the two hemispheres of my brain until I heard this amazing talk by Jill Bolte-Taylor.

Dr. Bolte-Taylor is a brain scientist who explains, step by step, what happened during a massive stroke she had in 1996. She describes the two sides of our brain as having “two very different personalities.” The right hemisphere sees life “as an energy being” and “connected to each other as one human family. We are perfect, we are whole, and we are beautiful.”

Our left hemisphere, she says, “is a very different place. It thinks linearly and methodically.” It says, “I am a solid individual, separate from the energy flow around me and separate from you.”

Through the experience of her stroke, she felt each side taking over her body and mind in turn.

What she glimpsed in those times when the right hemisphere took over was “Nirvana.” She says, “I pictured a world filled with beautiful, peaceful, compassionate people… who could purposely choose to step to the right of their left hemispheres and find this peace.”

Although it took her eight years to recover, she calls her experience a “stroke of insight.”

She wraps up her talk by wondering which side of ourselves we would choose to live in.

I think that our challenge is to choose both – that’s what it means to be whole. Most of the time we live on the left side – we’re rewarded for being smart and doing great things. But what do we get for growing spiritually? For choosing the flow and oneness of the right brain?

Dr. Bolte-Taylor describes it beautifully. When we’re in our right-brain, “…we are brothers and sisters on this planet, here to make the world a better place.”

Do you dread the family get togethers? Wish you hadn’t planned that outing with your mom or lunch with your sister?

Me, too. I want to relax and have a good time, but then the old tapes start playing in my head…

Usually I get my guard up a few days beforehand. I start to rehearse scenarios in my head about what I will tolerate and what will make me walk out. By the time time we’re supposed to meet, my stomach’s in a twist and my palms are sweating – I’m in “fight or flight” mode. Not exactly a good way to start a good visit.

Before my mom’s birthday this year, I felt my chest getting tight with anxiety. I wanted to see her, but I was remembering past birthdays that ended with accusations, public scenes, and me walking out not long after I got there. Why would this time be any different?

As I felt my blood pressure rise, somehow I was reminded to stop and breathe. And – I was given a sense of healing.

So, I decided to expect healing this time. I didn’t know how it was going to happen, I just knew to look for it.

That choice helped me change my focus from myself to the birthday girl, where it belonged.

I went shopping and put together my favorite kind of gift – a basket full of chocolate, soap, lotion, that kind of stuff. I had fun and got to shift my energy to celebrating another year with my mom.

We met for lunch the next day and had a great time. It felt so different to arrive with a feeling of lightness rather than feeling like a warrior prepared for battle. Taking the armor off wasn’t that hard. I’m writing about it to remind myself that I can manifest happiness and peace in my life.

Healing practices to try

Before you try any kind of healing practice, take a moment to fill up your own tank first.

In your relationships:

• Focus on the love you have for that person rather than on protecting yourself.
• Imagine what your relationship would feel like if it were healed.
• Find compassion for what otherwise bugs you. How can you love that aspect rather than having it drive you crazy?

Expect the best at work with:

• Difficult coworkers – You know, the ones you’d rather run away from? Give a compliment to that person you struggle with. Make it genuine, but really try to find something positive about that person to comment on. (Even if it hurts!)
• Meetings – is there a way you can bring a little humor to a boring or contentious meeting? Try greeting everyone in the meeting and “checking in” first with how their day is going.
• Projects – It’s easy to get stuck doing the same things the same way. Try brainstorming – write down even silly ideas just to get it all out of your head and onto a paper or white board. Then use mind mapping to see relationships where you didn’t before.

My heart is bursting with the unconditional love I get from my kid friends. With no kids of my own, I am blessed with friends who share the joy of their kids with me. Last night I got to watch Lily (9) and Lana (3) dance at their recital.  What I got from that performance surprised me, leading to my list of reasons to hang out with kids:

• It brings back happy memories of yourself as a kid
  As they danced, I was shocked to feel in my body just the way I used to move in the same way, with the same joy. Dance was my special place to be myself.  To be graceful and strong and creative. To feel that shy pride of shining onstage.

• Unrestrained love
  They make no secret of how much they love me. That simple fact is humbling. As adults, we learn restraint.  You learn that you “might embarrass her” if you’re enthusiastic about your feelings. You worry that his feelings aren’t the same for you, so you dial it down. But the kids have no such filter. They hugged and kissed me, and wanted me to stay. In an unprecedented move, they even followed me out the front door! I was overcome and cried with gratitude most of the way home.

• Simple acceptance
  How could I receive that much goodness at once? Being around these kids in their loving home shows me that the girls simply expect to be loved. It makes me wonder where I lost that expectation, that feeling that it was natural and I didn’t need to “deserve” it. It doesn’t matter when or how that was lost, but how I got it back.
• Unexpected gifts
  I usually plan out my time with the kids. I’ll have a craft or baking project or a movie to watch. And they usually have other ideas. They want to draw and color (and give the artwork to me), or make up a game where I’m a dragon or something. One night, I brought a small craft project, which they lost interest in after about 5 minutes. Then I pulled out a package of glow light sticks from the dollar store – and they went crazy! Screaming with delight, Lily ran around the house and turned out all the lights. We fastened the sticks together to form bracelets, neckaces and magic wands.  They danced around, made up songs and I joined right in. It was the most simple fun I had had in years.

After my friend Mary died, I was surprised by the waves that would hit me. They would come at weird times, like in the shower or while I was driving. I didn’t even know I had so many memories of her, until I would smell her favorite food, drive past our old happy-hour bar, or see a bee on a flower. My connection with her was strong in life, and has become even stronger since she passed. She taught me so much in life, and is still there to point things out or show me the gift in an experience.

Grief can be a brutal teacher. But it can help show you the strength within that has been waiting until now to show up.

• Feel what you’re feeling. Grief is uncomfortable to watch, but it’s intense to survive. Whatever you feel is your “normal.” Allow yourself to define what is ok for you to be doing, thinking, or feeling.
• Go easy on yourself – there’s no “right” way to handle it. Your experience is unique and you cope with it your own way.
• Give yourself time. Your grief is a process – allow it to unfold however it appears.
• Let yourself smile. Sometimes when you’re missing the one you’ve lost, a happy memory shows up. Bees on a flower remind me that Mary is an angel in my  life.
• Let people in. Trust your friends when they say they want to help. You may want to be a hermit at times, but tell your friends what you need: help with meals, making phone calls, cleaning, etc. And it’s ok to let them know when you need to be alone.
• Accept the spiritual support that is all around you. Your angels are always there for you, supporting you and lifting you up, whether you’re aware of it or not. Meditation, prayer, quiet time, flower essences, chakra clearing, a walk outside, and time with a pet are all ways to access that support.
• Reach out for professional help when you need it. If you’re worried you might be stuck in a place so deep that you can’t see a pathway, seek some help to talk it out.

The most amazing power and energy we can unleash on the universe is love. Unconditional love is a one-way street that runs from your soul toward another. It has everything to do with what is in your heart.

True unconditional love gives you  freedom from:

• Control – Just giving  without concern about how it’s received or returned
• Expectation – Love is a gift
• Fear – That there’s not enough

You know how, when you say “I love you” for the first time, you’re scared to death that your lover will not say it back to you or feel the same way. We’re so conditioned to be careful about when and how we say those words. That caution really means that we want control over our lovers’ feelings and we want to hear those words, too. But think about it – even if your loved one doesn’t say it back or doesn’t feel that way, your feelings are the same. So – be brave, be bold. Go ahead and say it. One way to relieve the pressure is to preface those beautiful words with something like, “I want to tell you what’s in my heart. There’s no need to say or do anything but just relax and receive this right now. “  Then, take a deep breath, feel it, and say it. What a gift.

In my family, it usually took a near-fatal accident or major surgery to break out the words “I love you.” I grew up thinking that you would wear it out or it would become meaningless if you just threw around “I love yous” all the time. Fortunately, my husband sees this differently. When we were first together, I thought it was just the blush of new love, or that he was just trying to keep me around (control me). But after a couple of decades, he still says it several times a day, and I’ve learned that it makes me feel great to tell him I love him, too. Knowing that love just continues to grow has shown me that there’s more than enough. When you say it, it reminds you of that feeling every day, and nurtures it just like sunshine on a plant.

And best of all, it starts with you.  To be able to give love unconditionally, you have to fill yourself up with it first. That means accepting the love of Spirit, being filled and complete in your place in the universe. When you are filled to overflowing, love energy flows naturally from you.

Emulate your superhero

Think of a person you know who really has it together – they’re successful, fun to be around, and seem confident in who they are. That kind of person claims their power, and shows up big. That’s what makes them magnetic – the kind of person people feel drawn to.

I think of my friend Linda – she always seems calm and centered. When I’m with her I immediately slow down – I know that she takes time to consider what she says, so I do, too. I also feel a great love from her – she loves herself and emanates that to everyone around her.  She’s a role model for me.

A coach once told me that the things that I’m attracted to in other people are qualities that I have myself. That idea stunned me at first, but of course it’s true. I’m drawn to that quality in Linda that makes me feel like I’m the only other person in the room when I’m with her. That she’s giving me her undivided attention and couldn’t be happier to do so.

Is that a superpower? I think so. For me to claim that power in myself means that I have to focus. Turn off the spinning that goes around in my head all the time and be present right now. It’s about being in that quiet, safe place I go in meditation. Nothing else enters my world except that connection with the person I’m with.