Amy Collette

Shelley Riutta in her excellent article, “The Power of Unconditional Love,” introduces you to a client who is frustrated in her marriage, thinking that if her husband would just change his crazy-making behavior, their marriage could survive.

Riutta invites her client to make a radical shift: to love those things about her husband. When I read that, it was like a kick in the head – it was so simple. But I fought it. Was I just supposed to give up my disapproval of anything that anyone I love does? The simple answer is – Yes.

I had to go take a walk and find a place to meditate on this. When I did, I realized that it was easy to do… But only if I could also do it for myself. It felt a little disorienting, because it is a radical change from how I usually think. It totally removes me from being any kind of victim in the relationship.

I had been obsessing about my weight and my husband’s lateness. How could I let these things go? I thought that the only way is to try it.

I said to myself, “I love that I can be flexible about my body, and love myself at any weight. And I love that Tom loves people so much that he finds it hard to break away for the next thing on his schedule.”

It started out as a “fake it ’till you make it” idea. The shift was subtle but profound. Thinking that the things that were most bothering me were now things that I could love, the things that I was overlooking came flooding over me. I realized that the judgment I had about these issues was like looking through a microscope at them – they took over the whole picture.

Now I could see things that I love about myself and about Tom. I had an overwhelming sense of lightness that has really taken hold of me since then. Gratitude has risen back up as number one in my life rather than resentment.

I invite you to try it.