Amy Collette

Ok, I’ll start. Here’s my big confession: I locked my keys in the car the other day – while it was running. A simple mistake, really. I hit the lock button instead of the defrost button, then got out to brush off the snow.  When I closed the door it locked – Aagh! I felt really stupid.

I found myself “confessing” to everyone. Was it so I could get sympathy? Or hear their stories about how they did the same thing? Or just to share a funny story? I think it was all of the above. The first call I made (after the locksmith left) was to my husband, Tom. I was definitely looking for sympathy with that one, and fortunately he gave me the response I was looking for – care and concern. But when he said “poor baby” I realized that I may have overdone it.

Next I told a friend, with a little more drama in the story. She gasped when she realized I was locked out in the snow storm. Very satisfying response. I was beginning to have some fun with it. So the next time I related the story, it was to get a laugh.

As I watched myself, I wished I would just shut up about it already. So I started writing instead. And I realized what was happening.

I started out in victim mode. And that is not a loving place for me or for the people I told about it. What I wanted was to control their reaction to give me what I needed: sympathy. What else could they say? And that kind of sympathy just helps me stay in “victim.”

As I got more of a sense of humor about it, my energy changed to sharing a story. That kind of energy helps connect with other people  - we’ve all done something like that. It requires no particular type of response, but opens the door for another story or conversation. That energy is loving and respectful rather than negative and manipulative.

Now it’s your turn – what do you need to confess?